Guidelines for Harmonious Living
by Doctor Sexy
Summary: Morgan is just a temp drummer, until he lands a position in the biggest up and coming band. He is warned that the lead singer is difficult, but he can't help feeling for Spencer, who he can relate to like no one else. The manager gives Morgan guidelines for dealing with Spencer AKA Roxie that he promptly chooses to ignore.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, so this story is totally AU and a lot of it is meant to have an edge of humor to it. But it's also will have its deep moments. Just a warning it is not going to be all light and fluffy.**

**Also super special awesome thanks to The-Vampire-Act, who was the first to read this and made me think it might be worth posting. And giving Spencer/Roxie the sexy nickname Spoxie. Also to Muffins Taste Good, for convincing me to go back to this and finally publish it! And for reading it and bouncing ideas back and forth with me. Both of you rock! :)**

**Starring**

Spencer Reid as Roxie Goldenrod, Singer, Musician, and 'The Star'

Derek Morgan, Drums

Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner, Bass

Emily Prentiss, Guitar

David Rossi, Manager and Asshole

Penelope Garcia, Stylist and Make-up Artist

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau, Media Consultant

* * *

Derek Morgan was only a studio musician and an occasional substitute at concerts, and even though he was the best at what he did, he was still surprised when he got the chance to be a permanent member of an up-and-coming band that was supposed to be the biggest thing since The Beatles.

He had never had a manager, preferring to book jobs himself. That was probably why he had never made it big. That being said, he made a solid living and loved what he did. But one day after playing a gig in the place of a famous drummer who had broken his ribs jumping off the stage all that changed.

Backstage after the show a suave looking man in a suit jacket and jeans approached him. "I'm David Rossi. Manager of Roxie Goldenrod. Sound familiar?"

"Heard the name, not the music. What's your point?"

"Halfway through recording the album, the drummer backs out. She's freaking out saying the stress is too much for her, or something. I think she just got her heart broken. Either way, she's not cut out for this business," Rossi said.

Morgan smiled. "You're looking for someone to record the rest of the album?"

"No, I'm looking for a permanent replacement," Rossi said.

"What's in it for me?" Morgan asked. He had scarcely thought about holding down a permanent job in years. Much less in a band he had never listened to. What if they were total crap?

Rossi smiled. He looked confident that he would win. "A good amount from the album, and any future ones. Concert revenue. You'll get the same as the rest of the band. Well, not the same as _Roxie_. He's a lot more important than you."

"Roxie's a he?" Morgan asked, amused.

"That's right. It seems like you don't know much about the band, so I'm going to lay it out for you. Roxie is the next thing. His music is going to change the face of the world forever. And we are going to be raking in the dough. I can easily find someone else for this job, but you'd regret it as long as you lived. Now do I make myself clear?"

Morgan wondered if that was really true. He had heard that they were supposed to be huge. But who could really predict these things? "I'll do the studio gig, and we'll see where it ends up."

"No. We're supposed to be touring next month. You'll do the tour and the studio, or nothing. What'll it be, Derek Morgan?"

"Fine, I'll do it. When do I start?" Morgan asked.

Rossi put on a pair of shades despite the dark. "We'll pick you up tomorrow at 8 sharp. Where are you staying?"

"The Super 8," Morgan replied, slightly embarrassed.

Rossi laughed. "Not for much longer. Take this, study it." He handed Morgan a piece of folded up paper.

"What is it?" Morgan asked.

"Just a bit of friendly advice." And with that Rossi was gone.

Morgan pulled out the paper and read it with a look of awe on his face.

Guidelines for Harmonious Living:

1) Do not mention the drummer you replaced to Roxie. Ever.

2) Do not say anything insulting, demeaning, or otherwise offensive to Roxie. Try to keep everything you say positive and life-affirming. Failing this, it would be best not to say anything to him at all.

3) If you must piss off other members of the band, don't do it in front of Roxie. In fact, don't yell or say anything negative to anyone in his presence.

4) Never cheer Roxie up when he's songwriting.

5) If you notice Roxie starting to get too fucked up, cut him off. No matter how pissy he is about it.

6) Don't let Roxie dwell in his own self-pity and depression. (Unless he's songwriting.)

7) Don't ask Roxie about his personal life, sex life, or past.

8) Pretend to agree with Roxie, no matter how stupid what he's saying is, unless it contradicts any of the previous guidelines.

9) Do whatever Roxie says, unless it contradicts any of the previous guidelines.

10) Never mention the Guidelines for Harmonious Living to him.

Failure to comply with any of these rules is not in your best interest. Do so at your own discretion. You've been warned.

Was it some kind of joke? Or were these actual rules? Morgan was wondering what he had gotten himself into, and hating Roxie Goldenrod before he had even met the man. After all, for what kind of person would such a list be necessary?

* * *

Morgan was ready promptly at 8. He knew how much being on time was important. Rossi had arrived in a limo to the shit motel, which only served to embarrass Morgan more. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and jumped in.

Besides a smug looking Rossi there was a man of about thirty in a t-shirt and jeans looking bored. A goth woman with dark make-up and hair along with black fishnets and boots under a very short skirt. She was eyeing Morgan with mild curiosity. A guy that couldn't be much older than twenty and had Mick Jagger's skinniness, James Dean's beauty, and the combined star power of both. The last had a Red Bull in one hand and a book in the other. He didn't look up from his book, but it didn't even appear he was reading it. He was turning the pages too quickly to be absorbing anything.

_Bitch_, Morgan thought. He must be Roxie.

"Morgan! So good of you to come. We're recording later today. It should take us about a week and a half to do the last five tracks on the album," Rossi said. He seemed to be a lot nicer than the night before. Maybe it was his idea of being 'positive and life affirming.' "Guys, this is Derek Morgan, your new drummer."

"Nice to meet you," the goth woman said, shaking a pale hand with obsidian nails. "I'm Emily."

The bored looking man nodded. "Aaron Hotchner. People call me Hotch." Morgan smiled.

"Hi," the kid said, still not looking up from his book. He took a deep swig of Red Bull.

"That's Roxie. He sometimes forgets his manners, but he's alright," Emily said. Morgan found himself liking her. If it weren't for her attire she would seem normal.

Roxie put his book down and chugged the rest of his energy drink. "Yes, well it's nice to meet you, but we don't need a drummer. We have one already."

"Spencer-" Emily started.

"-_Roxie_," Rossi interrupted.

"I'll call him whatever I like, thank you very much. Spencer, Elle's not coming back, you know that," Emily said. Her voice was almost maternal. Morgan had no idea what to make of the situation.

Roxie (Spencer?) laughed. "Do I? I don't believe you have any right to tell me what I do and don't know. It's not even possible to know the future in the loosest definition of knowledge." He played with his hands nervously in his lap. "Besides, she's just sulking; she'll be back in a day or two."

That's when it dawned on Morgan. Roxie was just a child. Admittedly, a very, very beautiful child, but still he had all the personality of one. And everyone just put up with him because he was so, well because everyone wanted to use him. For money, or sex, or whatever. Naturally, when he got whatever he wanted. All those stupid rules were to keep him happy. Because he was used to getting whatever he wanted.

"Spencer, I know it's hard, but you just have to let it go. I know you cared about Elle and she cared about you, but whether you like it or not, she's no longer a part of this band," Hotch said. If Emily was the mother figure, then Hotch was clearly the father figure.

"It's true, Roxie. Her lawyers made a deal with ours. She's legally out of her contract. She didn't want to be in the band anymore. Why don't you call her?" Rossi said, handing him a phone.

Roxie took the phone and dialed without looking. "Hey, Elle! What's shaking, baby?" Silence. "Yeah? What's that?" Another pause. "You know that's not true, I care plenty!" Another pause in the conversation. Morgan wondered who this Elle was and what she was saying. "I know, and I'm sorry. But that doesn't have to change anything." It didn't seem like Roxie was winning. "I never did anything wrong! You're overreacting." One final pause. Morgan imagined Elle was ripping him a new one. "I see. Well if you really feel that way, it's your loss. I'm going to go. Call me if you change your mind." He handed the phone back to Rossi.

Hotch and Emily looked concerned. Rossi looked merely satisfied. Roxie yawned and stretched, pretending not to care. Morgan couldn't help but notice how his bare stomach was exposed when he stretched. He could see why everyone was so fond of him. He cursed himself, wishing he hadn't been susceptible to the pure sexual energy the man possessed. It wasn't like he hadn't seen other rock stars or celebrities before. And many of them possessed that same aura of inhuman perfection. But this was different. Morgan had never found himself... so affected by it. He couldn't tear his eyes away.

It didn't matter though. He was just a kid. Not to mention he was clearly caught up on whoever this Elle chick was. Clearly she had defied the Guidelines for Harmonious Living. Or maybe they were invented as a reaction against her. Regardless, the list was starting to make a bit more sense.

* * *

**A/N: Does everyone know who James Dean is? Well he's the only person I can think of that mildly comes to the same level of sexiness that Matthew Gray Gubler does.**

**Oh, and I'll introduce the other CM characters in later chapters. Even Gideon eventually.**

**Please review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm sure someone else wrote the song lyrics in this chapter for me. Fairly sure it was either MuffinsTasteGood or thevampireact. But that was so long ago they probably don't even remember.**

* * *

Several hours later they were finally ready to start recording. First Rossi had made Morgan listen to the seven tracks already recorded from the album. They genuinely surprised Morgan. The kid had real talent. He had been expecting lame pop music with crappy lyrics and singing enhanced heavily by auto-tune. Instead he found a rich tapestry of harmonies and melodies and a voice Morgan would have killed to have. The lyrics were equally surprising. They weren't about truckloads of women he did (or even one for that matter,) but mostly about what was wrong with the world, the people around him, and himself. They were written through characters and twisted up just enough that you didn't stand a chance of knowing what they were about. There was one song Morgan was thought might have been about a woman in a sanatorium, maybe Roxie's mother. Either that or a metaphor for his own lingering insanity. One line kept singing in Morgan's ears. "I stare into the mirror, wondering who's gonna appear."

It was even better to hear him sing in person, with the band behind him. They had played the song they were meant to record that day a few times so Morgan would know how it went. It was called "Surrogate Fucker."

Had Morgan been a crier, he would have been crying at that. He was thinking about that old Roberta Flack song, "Killing Me Softly". Finally, he understood what it meant. "Strumming my pain with his fingers, Singing my life with his words. Killing me softly with this song, killing me softly, With his song, telling my whole life, With his words." No song had ever touched him like that. Especially on the first listen. But here he was sitting in a room with this beautiful God playing this simple melody on an acoustic guitar and belting out Morgan's life-story as if it were the only thing that ever mattered.

"They're a surrogate for the person who left you too soon,

You want to trust them but it's so painful and hard to attune

To the terror you feel returning each afternoon

To the agony you feel when you enter the room," Roxie sung.

_No, not Roxie_, Morgan thought. _Spencer_ sung. This wasn't some spoilt brat kid, this was a real person.

Maybe they would be as big as The Beatles after all.

Another thing that surprised Morgan was how quiet Roxie was. He only seemed to speak when spoken too. If you asked the right question, he would go off on a rant, but if you asked the wrong one he wouldn't say anything. Most of the time he stuck to one or two sentence answers.

"Well, I think that went well," Rossi said pleasantly after they finished recording. "Don't you, Roxie?"

Roxie looked uncertain, and Morgan thought a little sad. "I guess so."

"It was great," Emily said, patting Roxie on the back.

"We record at ten tomorrow. You'd all better be there," Rossi said as a way of dismissing them.

"Coming for drinks, Morgan?" Emily asked. Morgan nodded his consent. It wasn't like he had anything better to do and he figured he had better get used to spending a lot of time with these people.

* * *

They hailed two cabs for the four bandmates. Morgan somehow ended up in a cab with Roxie, who just sat there awkwardly staring out the window as if there was nowhere else in the world he wouldn't rather be. Morgan was starting to think Roxie might never talk to him even if they were in a band together for twenty years.

Then Roxie decided to make some sort of lame attempt at conversation. "You're a good drummer." His voice was timid and childlike, so different but so similar to his singing voice.

God, what was it about that kid? If anyone else had said something like that he would have taken it as a given. But when Roxie said it, Morgan felt his stomach fall and found himself genuinely flattered and flustered. "Thanks. You're on okay musician yourself."

"Yeah," Roxie said, apparently tired of conversation.

The kid seemed uninterested in anything since Morgan had met him. Was he that caught up on that Elle chick? Or was he just genuinely miserable? Morgan tried not to think about the song. He didn't want to think Roxie had to deal with that. He was just a fragile little kid. Just like Morgan had been. It wasn't fair. "Do you like being a musician, Roxie?"

For the first time, Roxie favored Morgan with a look. He looked entirely surprised, and Morgan realized it was the first real emotion he had seen from him -at least when he wasn't singing. "No one's ever asked me that before."

"No?" Morgan asked.

Roxie shook his head. "No, everyone just assumes I do. I mean, everyone wants to be a rock star, right?"

"Do you?" Morgan asked. He felt a little like he was playing therapist, but he was enchanted by Roxie's strange answers.

"No, I want to go home," Roxie said quickly without having to stop and think. "I like being a musician. I don't like being a rock star."

Morgan frowned. He had taken Roxie to be spoilt, but what he really wanted was simple and respectable. "Why can't you go home?"

"Contract." Roxie said it the way someone else might say 'cancer.' "Have they made you sign one yet?" Morgan nodded grimly. "I'm sorry. I guess we're stuck together." Roxie forced a smile and made brief eye contact.

"I guess so," Morgan said, trying not to sound too happy about it. Since the last question didn't seem to go so bad, he got brave. "Can I ask what the deal was with your old drummer?" Morgan asked. He knew he wasn't supposed to, but he was so damn curious. And it wasn't like Rossi was there to get pissy about it.

Roxie exhaled deeply and clasped his hands together tightly. "She ran away."

"Why?" Morgan asked.

"Because I wouldn't give her what she wanted," Roxie replied.

Morgan couldn't help but pry on, even if he thought it might be like putting oil on a fire. "Which was...?"

Roxie put his feet up on the seat and hugged his knees silently for the next seven minutes. Eventually he spoke up, but he ignored the question entirely. "You're nothing like Elle. I think I like that about you."

Morgan had no idea what that could possibly mean, but he decided not to press any further. In no time at all, they were at the bar and things didn't stop getting stranger.

* * *

**A/N: Hi guys! I hope you liked it and that you take the time to review. I'm thinking I will update this story every second day for as long as I can.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Before they even stepped ten feet in, women were assaulting Roxie with attention. A bigger girl in high-heels and a wacky dress was kissing his cheeks with bright red lips. A more refined business woman hugged him quickly.

"Roxie! Your hair looks combed. Have you not been listening to anything I've been saying?" The bigger girl said, fluffing and messing his hair to her liking. Roxie just let her and never bothered to answer. "And who is this handsome hunk of muscle? He's almost as cute as you. Almost."

Before either Roxie or Morgan could answer, the business-looking woman did. "This is Derek Morgan, the new drummer. She's Penelope Garcia, stylist and I'm Jennifer Jareau, media consultant. JJ for short." She shook his hand professionally. Garcia instead took him in for a bear hug.

Prentiss and Hotch soon arrived, and they were all having drinks. To Morgan everyone seemed to be laughing and having a good time, except for Roxie. He just sat there quietly, smiling tentatively and taking gulps of tequila that seemed to be a never-ending supply.

"Hey," JJ said. "You should slow down. You have to record tomorrow morning."

"Who cares? There's something to do every morning. I won't feel any more unhappy hungover. I will feel more unhappy sober," Roxie said.

"I'm warning you, Roxie. I'll call Rossi, I swear to God," JJ said.

He took one last shot in rebellion before saying, "Fine."

That concluded Roxie's lines for the rest of the evening. Morgan couldn't help but wait to hear more.

* * *

Morgan later found out it wasn't usually that easy to dissuade Roxie from using substances. He drank often, and usually JJ or Rossi or someone of authority could convince him to stop. But if they weren't careful, he would pick it back up half an hour later. Not that alcohol was his only vice, Morgan had seen him smoke pot on several occasions, and he wasn't sure that was the only drug he dabbled in. As a result, he was buzzed or high a good portion of the time. Rossi seemed to find that okay as long as he wasn't throwing up or yelling at important people. When he was sober, he said very little and stayed in a haze of depression where it was very difficult to get him to do anything at all. Rossi didn't like that either.

It was a couple of weeks into the tour when Roxie asked Morgan to go for drinks. He had been reluctant because he didn't like the younger man's reliance on substances, but no matter how much he didn't want to admit it, he wanted to spend time with Roxie. He agreed, justifying the reason as it would be better to keep an eye on him.

It was strange, drinking with just the two of them. For the first while neither of them said anything. That had become their dynamic. Ever since the first day Morgan had been in the band, Roxie had been drawn to him. He spent as much time as possible with him. But their conversations were few and far between. Morgan had got used to it and found he didn't mind at all. His company was non-assuming and enjoyable when he was quiet. But Morgan liked it a little bit more when he did talk. It always felt as if Roxie was testing him somehow. His questions always challenging, his answers always sparce. The best thing about Roxie was that everything he said mattered, he didn't open his mouth if it didn't.

When their third drinks came, Morgan decided to ask a challenging question of his own. "Roxie, why do you like to drink so much?"

He just shrugged and took a gulp of his drink.

"Maybe you shouldn't," Morgan said. He was having a hard time knowing what to say. He had never been to an intervention before and was sure real ones wouldn't be held at a bar.

That was when Roxie got mad. "You're just like them! You're going to tell me what I should do, who I should be. I thought you were different. I thought we were friends!"

"Roxie, we are friends," Morgan said, but he wasn't really sure. As much as he liked Roxie, it was like being friends with a child, having to adapt your entire personality to their needs. But maybe that was a good thing. Roxie was simple, direct, and innocent even with everything around him. The only thing wrong was the alcohol and drugs. "I'm not going to tell you what to do. I was just telling you what I thought."

Roxie looked down and Morgan realized there was tears in his eyes. "Morgan...?"

"Yeah?"

"I like it because it's the only way I'm happy," Roxie said.

It hurt Morgan to hear that. He had only known him a month, but he was already very emotionally invested in 'Roxie Goldenrod.' "But it's not real happiness. You're going to end up ruining your life is you keep this up."

Roxie was full blown crying then. "It can't get any worse than it already is!"

Morgan was suddenly very keenly aware that everyone in the bar was looking at them. He ignored them. "Roxie, I'm sorry..."

"Don't call me that. Call me Spencer. Friends call their friends by their real names, right?"

"I wouldn't know, I haven't had many friends before," Morgan said. They were both divulging personal secrets now. It was bizarre. Morgan had had more conversations with the mailman than Roxie, and yet he had told him more than he had anyone else in his life. "I guess that means you get to call me Derek."

"Derek," Roxie said, trying it out. Then he continues quieter. "Derek, can you help me quit? Can you help me be happy?"

No one had ever asked Morgan something like that before. He had never been someone to depend on emotionally. And Spencer sounded so utterly heart-broken that Morgan took his hand before saying, "Of course I will, Spencer."

He wondered what people in the bar thought. He figured it looked like they were a couple about to break up, but had decided to stay together. Morgan found he didn't mind them thinking that at all, in fact he kind of liked it.

* * *

**A/N: I wrote two chapters yesterday, so I allowed myself to post a new chapter today. I hope you liked it. If you did please review?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/****N: Hi, guys. I just wanted to tell you that this is my favorite chapter, so I hope you like it half as much as I do.**

* * *

It took Roxie exactly three days to decide he hated being sober. Morgan woke up from a nap and found him lying on his back in the middle of the tour bus floor, wearing shades and smoking a cigarette. (Neither of them had given up smoking or talked about it. It would have made a lot of sense, but Morgan figured they ought to take one thing on at a time.) Combined with tight leather pants and a shirt he had barely bothered to do up halfway, he looked like a true rock star.

Rossi attempted to make Roxie talk, but it was to no avail. Emily repeatedly was asking him what was wrong, but he didn't reply to that either. Hotch just sat on the couch with Emily, knowing it was a lost cause.

"Why are you lying on the floor?" Morgan asked.

"I'm depressed. I hate this," Roxie said. "I've got a bottle of tequila in my bag, let's get wasted."

Emily huffed. "Of course, he fucking talks to you."

"Shut up, Emily," Morgan said. "We were quitting drinking, remember?"

Roxie blew a thick puff of smoke. "I don't want to. It's too hard."

That's when Rossi flew off the handle. "You're responsible for this? You got him to quit drinking? Jesus, Christ the kid can barely crawl out of bed sober. Why could you possibly think this was a good idea?"

Morgan was really pissed now. "You're such a fucking dick, Rossi. He's a human-being, not just a means of making you a profit."

"God, all anyone ever talks about is Roxie," Emily yelled. "You're all obsessed with him! Why don't you just get on your knees and blow him already? And Roxie, you're just a spoiled brat. You're all asses. Are you really that special that you can't even talk to me? I feel like I'm going crazy being locked away with you people and only fucking Hotch talks to me."

"Fucking Hotch? What did I do to you?" Hotch fired back. "I guess I'm not good enough for your company?"

Roxie had sat up now and hugged his knees. "Can everyone please stop yelling?"

"Oh, sorry, Roxie. We all have to do everything you say," Emily said. "Because you're so fucking special."

"Do you even hear how much of a bitch you're being right now?" Morgan asked.

"Do you even hear how much you sound like his lap-dog?" Emily asked. At the point, Roxie started crying. He took his shades off in order to wipe his eyes and sobbed silently. "Why don't you go kiss him and make him feel better? You know you want to."

Morgan did want to, but obviously it was neither the time nor the place. Pushing Spencer into something like that when he was in such a vulnerable place was not what he needed at all. And if he was going to kiss him, he didn't want the first time to be such a horrible memory.

"Why doesn't everyone just calm down?" Rossi said. Morgan hated that he sounded like the voice of reason, when Rossi was the one he hated the most. But Emily and Morgan backed off and shut up. Roxie didn't calm down or stop crying instead he found the bottle of tequila and a corner to sit in and drink straight from the bottle. "Why don't you take it easy, Roxie?" Rossi said.

"This is what you wanted, isn't it?" Roxie asked between sips, his voice cracked from crying. "I'm sure not going to be sober when I'm done with this."

Morgan went and sat next to him. "You're not really going to drink all that, are you?"

Roxie took another sip and didn't look at him. "Maybe..."

Morgan wondered how much he had drank so far. He was taking small sips, but he was doing it consistently. His throat must be on fire. He just barely heard Emily whisper to Hotch, "He's just being dramatic, isn't he?"

"You're a skinny guy, I've seen you throw up after eight shots. You know that would kill you, right?" Morgan said, fearing the answer.

"That's kind of the point," Roxie said. "Living isn't really working out for me." The next thing he said in a whisper. "No one would care anyway."

"I happen to know a lot of people who would care," Rossi said. "What about your fans?"

Morgan sshed Rossi, the worst suicide help ever. "I would care, Spencer." Roxie held the bottle away from his lips and thought about this.

"Really?" Roxie wiped the tears away from his eyes.

"Very much so," Morgan said. He wanted to touch him, to give him some physical comfort, but he didn't know how. And he was also keenly aware of the others watching him. He remembered Emily's 'blowing him' comment. "Now why don't you give me that and we'll talk about this?"

Roxie handed him the bottle of tequila and shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it. They all think I'm stupid and making a big deal about nothing."

Emily walked over and gave Roxie a bear hug. How can she do that? After all those things she said to him, about him, she's still better at comforting him than I am. Is there something wrong with me?

"I'm sorry. I was being a jerk, I didn't mean that. I'm just having a bad day. I shouldn't have said any of those things." Roxie accepted the hug, but didn't return it.

"Listen," Morgan was aware of how the rest of the group might misinterpret what he was about to say, but he didn't care. "How about just you and I talk about it later, okay?"

"Okay," Roxie said. He choked back a sob, but he managed to smile up at Morgan, no matter how small.

* * *

**A/N: This concludes the chapters I wrote over a year ago. My newer chapters are far shorter, but I will try to compensate for that by updating every day. Hope you guys liked it. Please consider reviewing?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm updating even though I have written nothing today. But as promised, here is today's update… and you'll see what I mean about it being short.**

* * *

It turned out to be a long time before they were ever alone. They had a three hour drive and a concert first. Morgan tried to talk to Roxie before the show, but everyone kept pulling them apart to get changed, get their makeup done, and JJ had arranged an interview for Roxie backstage.

The show was painful and long and Morgan just wanted it to be over with. Roxie sung quietly the whole show and didn't seem to say anything between songs. It wasn't like his usual performances.

After the show they were ushered into a hotel, where they all had separate rooms. Morgan went to his first and took a much needed shower before going to Roxie's room to talk.

When he knocked on the door, Roxie didn't answer right away. "Spencer?" Morgan called. Then Roxie came and opened the door. "Hi, Morgan. I was just writing a song."

"Did you want to talk?" Morgan asked tentatively.

"Okay," Roxie said, moving out of the doorway so Morgan could enter. He went and sat on the edge of his bed. Morgan was struck by how odd it felt to be alone in a hotel room with Roxie. But of course, they were just friends. He sat on the bed next to Roxie.

"Spence, I worry about you," Morgan started.

"Why?"

That question struck him funny. why wouldn't Morgan worry about Spencer? Someone had to be concerned for him, his health and well-being. "Because I care about you and you drink too much and you're sad all the time."

"So are you," Spencer said quietly.

Morgan was surprised at how what Spencer said could always take him aback. How did Spencer know that? It wasn't something Morgan liked to admit, even to himself. But Spencer seemed to be able to look past Morgan's brave face. "I wasn't thinking about killing myself today, though."

"Just today?" Spencer said raising an eyebrow.

"No, or any other day. But you were going to kill yourself today. Doesn't that register with you?" Morgan asked.

"I'm not going to kill myself anymore."

"Well, I'm glad. But I still think you should talk about what's going on," Morgan said.

"I've always been unhappy. I have plenty of reasons," Spencer said.

"Such as?" Morgan pried.

"My mom's schizophrenic, she's at a psychiatric hospital," Spencer said. "My dad... he raped me."

Morgan thought he felt his heart physically break. He didn't want to know that. More accurately, he didn't want that to have happened to Spencer. He was so innocent. He was just a kid! How could someone do that to him? "Spencer, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, well that doesn't help," Spencer snapped, uncharacteristically. "But you'd know that, wouldn't you?"

And there it was. The thing Morgan had been hiding his whole life, was just mentioned ever so casually. There was a sense of panic in him, but even stranger a sense of relief. "What are you talking about?"

"I can tell," Spencer said. "I'm good at reading people."

Apparently he was. No one had ever noticed before. Or had they, and they just hadn't said anything? The thought made Morgan's heart race. He never wanted anyone to know.

And now he was crying. He never cried. And he didn't want to cry in front of Spencer. "I'm going to go."

"Derek, wait," Spencer said, grabbing Morgan's hand.

"Spencer, I can't talk about this," Morgan said.

"You said we could talk," Spencer said, accusingly.

"I can't right now," Morgan said, and he bolted out of the room.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks guys for making it this far. I'll update tomorrow, I promise. Review?**


	6. Chapter 6

It took Morgan about an hour to calm down. He sat on the edge of his bed and sobbed like a child, with his head in his hands. How had that taken him by surprise? Morgan had heard the song Surrogate Fucker. It wasn't a jump to guess that Spencer had been abused. But how did Spencer know that he had suffered the same fate?

_Damn it_, Morgan thought wiping at his tears. But even after he finished crying, he was breathing was still heavy and hitched. Why did this catch him so off guard? Had he really bottled up his feelings that deeply that he could explode at a moment's notice? _So you were abused. It happens to lots of people and they get over it. Why can't you?_

Eventually he calmed down. And then the panic, the sadness that had overwhelmed him was replaced by a sense of shame. Spencer had told him something very personal about himself, and Morgan had agreed to talk to him about what was bothering him. But he ran away, selfishly, consumed with his own pain. When his friend needed him the most.

He walked up to Spencer's door and knocked again. This time, Spencer let him in right away. "Hi, Morgan." Morgan could see that Spencer, too had been crying. And he could smell the alcohol on Spencer's breath.

"Spencer, I'm sorry..."

"Yeah, everyone's real sorry," Spencer said bitterly.

"I shouldn't have run away," Morgan said, making it clear that what he was sorry for. He knew saying that he was sorry Spencer was raped would not be very useful.

"Everyone runs away. No one wants to deal with me."

That hurt Morgan, because he never wanted to do that to Spencer. He knew no one was really there for the kid, and he wanted to be the someone that would be. He wanted to be a lot of things to Spencer, but all he really was was a crappy friend.

"You came back," Spencer added quietly.

"Spencer, it's not that I didn't want to deal with you. I just... I've never told anyone. I didn't think anyone knew."

Spencer nodded and sat down on the bed. "When I was a kid no one knew. Except maybe my mom, when she was clear enough."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Morgan said nervously, sitting down next to Spencer. He was still feeling like a bomb that could go off at any moment.

"It started when I was seven," Spencer said. "And it didn't stop until I was fourteen."

Seven years? Holy shit. Morgan didn't think he would have made it out of that alive. Spencer paused as if waiting for Morgan to say something, but Morgan just nodded, not sure there was anything to say.

"Well, my mom was too crazy to notice. And my dad..." Spencer trailed off.

"He did this to you," Morgan finished.

Spencer nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. "The worst was that he was so nice to me. Everyone thought he was the greatest dad."

Morgan understood that. Everyone thought Carl Buford was helping kids. They didn't know what he was really doing.

"What happened to you?" Spencer challenged.

"I don't know if I can talk about that," Morgan said quickly.

"It doesn't matter," Spencer said. "Talking about it doesn't help any."

"I wouldn't know," Morgan said.

"I told a teacher at school," Spencer said. "After that everyone knew. It was worse. Everyone looked at me like I was a freak."

"You're not a freak, Spencer," Morgan said.

"Well, I'm not normal."

"That's what I like about you," Morgan said, and he stared into Spencer's eyes for just a little too long.

Spencer shifted nervously. "Morgan, do you like boys?"

Damn it! Did the kid have to know everything about him? "No," Morgan said. "I like men."

"So I guess I don't count," Spencer said, looking at his hands as if they suddenly became intensely interesting.

"You're an adult, Spencer."

"It doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'll just be seven years old, living the same day over and over again."

And didn't Morgan feel the same way? Wasn't he still fourteen, trying to get into college, to get out of Chicago, willing to do anything?

"Spencer, it gets better," Morgan said. But he was lying.

Spencer laid down and didn't say anything. Morgan didn't know what to say so he just waited there with Spencer until he fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: DUDES, I AM SO SORRY! I have to confess I totally forgot about this story because stuff's been going on in my life... I know that's not a good excuse. But anyways, here's your chapter for today. Hope you like it!**

The next day they were back on the tour bus. Rossi, Hotch, and Emily sat down at the small table. Morgan and Spencer sat on the couch.

"Are you feeling better?" Spencer asked quietly, not looking up at Morgan.

Morgan nodded, and then realized that was not sufficient because Spencer was not looking at him. "Yeah, I'm feeling better." But to be honest he was still feeling terrible, both that Spencer knew his secret and from knowing what had happened to Spencer as a kid.

"I'm not," Spencer said. "I want to go home."

"Well, the tour is only four more months," Morgan said, but he knew that was weak. Four months was a long time to be away from home.

"They probably won't let me go home then either," Spencer said. He still wasn't looking up. He was playing with his hands nervously.

"What's so bad about being here?" Morgan asked.

"Everything," Spencer said and he leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes.

Well that hurt Morgan. Didn't he matter at all to Spencer? Or was he just part of the big everything that made Spencer so sad? Morgan didn't say anything back.

"I hate it here," Spencer said.

"It's not that bad," Morgan said.

Then Spencer was crying. "How can you say that? How can you tell me my life's okay after everything I told you?"

"Spencer, that's not what I meant."

But Spencer ran into the washroom and locked himself in there for the rest of the trip.

* * *

By the time the band was on stage, Roxie was wasted. On stage, Morgan didn't think of him as Spencer, but Roxie because he was different. He was angry and loud and not anything like the quiet timid man Morgan thought of as a friend.

Morgan could barely see Roxie, but he heard him loud and clear singing, "Waiting for something to change, laying in my own waste..."

Then Emily was playing a killer guitar solo. And Roxie had climbed onto an amp. He held his arms up and the crowd roared. Then he was jumping.

No, he was falling. Face first. Morgan dropped his drumsticks as he watched Spencer fall and catch himself with one hand. For a couple seconds, the rest of the band kept playing, but when Emily saw Morgan run to Spencer, she dropped her guitar and ran over.

"I'm fine," Spencer said.

"Let me see your wrist," Morgan said.

Spencer held it up, wincing. Morgan could tell it was definitely broken.

Morgan pulled Spencer up by his good hand and led him off stage. Hotch and Emily soon followed. Everyone started booing. They wanted to see a show. They didn't care if Spencer was hurt.

A medic came up to them backstage and examined Spencer's arm. "It's broken, we'll have to get you to the hospital."


	8. Chapter 8

A few hours later, Spencer had a cast on his arm. Rossi ushered him out of his hospital room. And Emily came running up to Spencer.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked.

"They won't give me any pills," Spencer complained.

"You don't need any pills," Rossi said firmly.

Morgan walked up tentatively. "Spencer..."

"I don't want to hear it!" Spencer yelled, embarrassingly loudly. A couple people turned to stare at him.

"Fine," Morgan said.

They checked in to a hotel and just as Morgan was getting settled down, someone knocked on the door.

It was Spencer. He was crying.

"What do you want?" Morgan said bitterly.

"I'm sorry," Spencer said through tears.

"It's okay," Morgan said, instantly forgiving him. "Come on in." Morgan sat down on the couch and Spencer sat down on the ground, leaning his back on the bed.

"I hurt my arm," Spencer said, like he was a child.

"I saw that," Morgan said. "You've been drinking."

"I know," Spencer said. "I'm mad at you."

"Why?" Morgan asked.

"You made me feel bad," Spencer said. "You made me feel stupid."

"I didn't mean to," Morgan said. "I'm sorry."

"Morgan, I feel so bad," Spencer said. "All the time. I don't know what to do anymore."

Morgan sat down next to Spencer on the ground. "I know what you mean."

Spencer leaned his head on Morgan's shoulder and sobbed. Morgan sighed deeply. "You know, it does get better."

"Then why are you so sad?" Spencer asked.

"I wasn't that sad before I met you," Morgan said, and immediately regretted it. That sounded like he was blaming Spencer, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I'm sorry," Spencer said, and he wiped his face with his good hand. "I didn't mean to make you sad."

"I know, I just worry about you," Morgan said. "I do care about you, you know."

"I like you too," Spencer said, and Morgan's heart skipped a beat. Did he mean what Morgan thought he meant? Or was Morgan just taking advantage of the younger man's friendship? "You're different. You're actually nice to me."

"If that were the requirements, you would like everyone," Morgan pointed out. And Spencer certainly wasn't the people loving-type.

"Except you're real nice, not fake nice like everyone else," Spencer said.

That was a fair point. Everyone was nice to him because they wanted something from him. But wasn't Morgan just the same? He wanted lots of things from Spencer. But it wasn't fair to ruin the trust of someone who just needed a friend.

"I'm cold," Spencer said.

Did that mean he wanted Morgan to hold him? No, that wasn't a good idea. "You want to borrow a sweater?" Spencer nodded. "There's one in my bag."

Spencer walked over and opened the bag and held a piece of paper in his hand. "What's this?" Spencer said. "Guidelines for Harmonious Living?"

"Guideline, one, do not mention the drummer you replaced to Roxie. Ever. Two, do not say anything insulting, demeaning, or otherwise offensive to Roxie. Try to keep everything you say positive and life-affirming. Failing this, it would be best not to say anything to him at all. What the hell is this?"

"It's nothing, don't worry about it," Morgan said.

"Three if you must piss off other members of the band, don't do it in front of Roxie. In fact, don't yell or say anything negative to anyone in his presence." Morgan tried to pull the paper away but he didn't want to hurt Spencer's broken wrist.

"Never cheer him up when he's songwriting. If you notice him starting to get too fucked up, cut him off. No matter how pissy he is about it. Don't let him dwell in his own self-pity and depression. (Unless he's songwriting.) Don't ask him about his personal life, sex life, or past. Pretend to agree with him, no matter how stupid what he's saying is, unless it contradicts any of the previous guidelines. Do whatever he says, unless it contradicts any of the previous guidelines. Never mention the Guidelines for Harmonious Living to him." Spencer read the whole list, and then got really quiet just staring at it.

"It's just something Rossi gave me," Morgan said. "It doesn't mean anything."

"I can't believe this. You're doing all this because Rossi told you too? I thought you were my friend! I thought you actually cared!"

"I do care!" Morgan said. "It's not like that!"

But Spencer was already running out of the room.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry, I don't remember the last time I updated this. I can update tomorrow, hopefully someone will review to remind me. Anyway, I sort of feel like I was cheating in this chapter, writing all the guidelines again. But I think we needed a reminder. Anyway, I hope you like it. I will try to update tomorrow as long as I don't forget! I'm sorry I've been neglecting this story lately.**


	9. Chapter 9

Morgan immediately went to Spencer's room and knocked. Spencer opened the door. "You're not supposed to cheer me up when I'm songwriting," he said bitterly.

"Spence, please just let me explain," Morgan pleaded.

"You'll have to wait," Spencer said.

Morgan went back to his room and paced it nervously. Why had he kept that stupid note from Rossi? Why hadn't he thrown it away? It was stupid, he never intended to follow the guidelines anyway. But would Spencer ever understand that?

It was only twenty minutes later when Spencer came to Morgan's room. He held a paper out to Morgan. Morgan let Spencer in and they both sat down. "I couldn't write the music with my wrist so it's just the words," Spencer said hastily.

Guidelines for Harmonious Living

Guidelines for Harmonious Living

My entire life in ten little lines

Take your pills and swallow them down

But God forbid take one too many

Don't talk to me

I might just explode

Don't talk to me

I'll slit your throat

Just follow the rules and do what they say

If you don't you know there'll be hell to pay

Spend your entire life just living in a fucking box

Guidelines for Harmonious Living X4

Guidelines for Harmonious Living  
Keep me in a teeny tiny jail  
Let me run around my hamster wheel  
Until it's time to come take off my clothes

Don't talk to me  
I might just explode  
Don't talk to me  
I'll slit your throat  
Just follow the rules and do what they say  
If you don't you know there'll be hell to pay  
Spend your entire life just living in a fucking box

Guidelines for Harmonious Living X4

Guidelines for Harmonious Living  
Blow me when you think I want you to  
But be careful not to get invested  
And be sure you don't make it a habit

Don't talk to me  
I might just explode  
Don't talk to me  
I'll slit your throat  
Just follow the rules and do what they say  
If you don't you know there'll be hell to pay  
Spend your entire life just living in a fucking box

Guidelines for Harmonious Living X4

"Spencer, it's really not like that," Morgan said. "I mean really, think back about how little I paid attention to the rules."

"I know," Spencer said. "But writing the song made me feel better."

"You know if I blew you, it would be of my own accord," Morgan blurted out before he could stop himself. Why had he said that? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Spencer looked away embarrassed. "You don't need to blow me."

Morgan was puzzled by what that meant. "Why'd you have a line about taking your clothes off?"

"They like me to say things like that. Girls would like to see me naked," Spencer replied.

Morgan decided to go for it. "Not just girls, Spence."

"Would you like to see me naked?" Spencer asked. He stared right into Morgan's eyes. Damn, there was that raw sexuality again.

"Is that a question or an offer?" Morgan asked. His heart raced. was this really happening?

Spencer smiled devilishly. His Roxie was showing. "Just a question."

"Under the right circumstances." Morgan said, cooly.

"What would those be?" Spencer said, lighting a cigarette.

"You'd be in my bed and I'd be naked too. And you'd be telling me there was no one else in the world for you." Morgan said, hoping that sounded cute and not arrogant.

Spencer took a long puff of his cigarette, and exhaled blowing the smoke right in Morgan's face. He stayed quiet for a long time. Dammit, didn't he know he was torturing Morgan? Eventually, quietly he said, "That could be arranged." He put out his cigarette and laid provocatively on Morgan's bed.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you guys liked it! Sorry it's so short. I'm really excited for the next chapter.**


	10. Chapter 10

Morgan laid next to him on the bed. "Spence, do you really want to do this?" he asked.

"Fuck me," Spencer said in response.

Morgan leaned in closer and nervously kissed Spencer. But Spencer didn't seem to be nervous at all. He kissed back passionately, his tongue plunging deep into Morgan's mouth. Spencer's hands trailed down towards Morgan zipper, but with his broken wrist he couldn't undo the zipper himself. Morgan undid it for him and his erection was free to breathe.

Next thing Morgan knew, Spencer was on top of him, kissing him harder, good hand moving all about Morgan's body. Morgan slid Spencer's shirt over his head. Spencer proceeded to nibble on Morgan's neck, giggling. Morgan undid Spencer's pants and slid them down taking his boxers with them. In a few seconds Spencer was completely nude.

"No fair," he said. "You're supposed to be naked, too."

Morgan took this opportunity to strip for Spencer, who watched smiling and stroking his erection gently.  
Morgan went to his bag and grabbed some lubricant. He knelt on the bed and spread Spencer's legs far apart. Then he applied some lube to Spencer's entrance and some to his cock. Spencer moaned with pleasure.

Then Morgan couldn't take it anymore and had to be inside Spencer. He forced himself in all at once. Spencer bit Morgan on the shoulder in answer. Hard. Morgan winced. "Sorry," Spencer said, looking up into his eyes innocently. Morgan grunted in response.

He started slow, thrusting gently, but pushing deep inside Spencer. With his good hand Spencer was clawing his back intensely. Morgan enjoyed the feel, enjoyed getting a rise out of him.

Spencer got tired of taking it slow and started moving faster and harder. Morgan was surprised at how aggressive he was, when he seemed to have such a gentle personality. Even though he was on the bottom he still moved with a strong force that Morgan didn't think Spencer was capable of.

Their mouths met and the kissing was so hot it furthered the sensation in Morgan's cock. He wanted to slow down and make it last, but Spencer seemed to want it hard and fast.

And then Spencer was squirming under him, pulling himself away.

"What's wrong?" Morgan asked.

"I want to be on top," Spencer explained.

"Oh," Morgan said and he laid down on his back. Spencer climbed on top of him, and with some difficulty, pushed Morgan back inside him.

For just a few seconds Spencer moved slowly, just long enough for Morgan to calm down. Then he rode him like a pro riding a mechanical bull. Morgan groaned and Spencer smiled, his hair hanging beautifully in his face. Morgan knew he wasn't going to last much longer, so he grabbed Spencer cock and stroked it quickly.

And then he was coming in Morgan's hand. He moaned quietly, and Morgan watched the pleasure on his face. When he was finished, Morgan pushed Spencer back under him and fucked him harder than he had fucked anyone in his life. He came quickly, grunting hard. When he was finished he collapsed beside Spencer who climbed on top of him and kissed his forehead.

Morgan stroked Spencer's hair. He was breathing very heavy. "Spence?"

"Yes, Morgan?" Spencer said, his head resting on Morgan's chest.

"Are you still mad at me?" Morgan asked.

"No," Spencer said. And the two of them laid there breathing heavy for sometime. Just when Morgan thought he was about to fall asleep, Spencer said. "Morgan?"

"Yeah, Spence?" Morgan said groggily.

"There's no one else in the world for me," Spencer said.

* * *

**A/N: Was that even sexy? Or was it just bad? So I kind of want to leave it like this because I have no idea where to go with this and it would be a cute ending. Let me know your opinions both of my sex scene and whether this should be it. Maybe even give me ideas how to continue? I know that's a lot to ask but I'm so confused right now and not just sexually. Erm... anyway. Thanks for reading. :)**


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